Highlight of my job:

Getting lunch at the deli.



I love Europe.





In other less vague news,
I've been working every day for the past 2 weeks, I got paid 25$ bucks cash for doing a 5 minute survey about the new Smoking ban of 08' (in which I lied about my address, phone number, and age), I picked up the habit of reading again, I'm pretty much done with drugs (particularly downers. Never again.), A friend from Colorado is sending me two different kinds of Mary Jane they grew themselves, I'm taking LSD with my friend Ralph next week, I feel asleep on the bus yesterday and ended up in the ghetto, I'm going to Montana in March, I'm doing laundry tonight, Ain't nobody gonna love me like the Devil do, I got 50 new vinyl from Dave (Simon & Garfunkel, Joan Baez), I'm going to work.

A thousand different noises all flowing together.
A trillion different eye lids all blinking in unison.

One steady handshake that you'll never remember

Try imagining a person that you've never seen before.
Try imagining something that is completely unique.

Imagine your eyes are the windows and your mouth the door.

My brother has been visiting from California for the past week and is leaving tomorrow, but very possibly moving out here IN OUR APARTMENT within two months.
I'm not totally sure what to make of it but I think it will be fine.

My Christmas job is going alright.
I usually just sit in a corner and read when it's not busy, because I don't really like any of my coworkers.
It's mindless.
There are good things about working there though.
I get lots of "free" stuff, mostly things that I'll never use (Christmas lights, expensive candles, soups, etc).
Over Thanksgiving an acquaintance said to me
"Rob them blind, my friend, rob them blind."
Not exactly literal, if you know what I mean.

I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens lately, along with things like Vetiver, Animal Collective Elizabeth Cotton, Pulp, and Iggy.
Recommendations:
Beirut
Lightning bolt
April March

I went to my sisters (Jen) house last night for dinner with most of my siblings.
She's living with her boyfriend, Mark (Mixin' Mark), who's one of the top 3 DJs in Chicago.
I've met him a couple times before, but never actually had whole conversations with him.
He's a pretty nice guy, I guess. He showed me his in-house studio and his record label (YEAH) and how he makes/plays all his music. And then we all smoked and played intense trivia games. Being a DJ is actually a lot more interesting then I thought, and actually takes some talent. I'm not into techno or anything, but I really respect the guy.
He's good at what he does, he loves it, he smokes weed when he works, and he's making a ton of money.

Remember when I really wanted a nylon stringed guitar?
Well, I GOT ONE. FOR FREE.
Thank you, Andrew.



Dinner and a movie tonight.
The new movie about Bob Dylan!

I want to videotape my brain.
Love is to transient for me, I think I'll stick to alcohol.


But, metaphorically, it's exactly the same.





Happy Thanks giving!

I've been meeting so many interesting characters lately.
I'll explain some of them in brief:


Mark-
The early 40's washed up underground musician. He has awkwardly thick and distinctive glasses that give you an Andy Warhol feeling, and wobbles around like Dustin Hoffmen in Midnight Cowboy. A constant but probably unintentional frown that's like a nail that got hammered into to many knots and finally bent. He has a heavy Chicago accent and greets people with friendly pats on the back.

Arron-
The quasi lesbian coworker that dates a 49 year old oncologist that calls himself "The Duke", is in love with a French dominatrix, was in a Broadway play 9 years ago, is a self-proclaimed stand up comedian, knows Kung-fu, and may and may not be a compulsive liar but is so good at telling stories no one even cares.

Rotten Milk-
The widely enjoyed Acidhouse DJ that could easily be mistaken for ANY member of Lynyrd Skynyrd, sometimes wears colorful 80's esque pants that make rainbows look like black and white photos.
Very long drug history. Oddly intimidating "Crazy Eye".

Dave-
Brother of Bret hailing from Cleveland. Probably smokes a lot of pot but doesn't tell anyone for fear of not being socially excepted, very good at Settlers of Catan...



that's all I can think of right now.
I'm going to sleep. I've been up for 20 hours. I worked 10 of them and bike 2 of them (one with a flat tire...) ate for an hour, then partied/drove around for 6 hours, and now I'm here.
Going to sleep.

I dislike people who confine themselves and close their minds.

A simple example is gutter-punks vs. highstrung indie kids.

It's fun to fuck stuff up, drink screwdrivers, wear trashed clothes and eat shit for a week while chaining together as many swears as you can in one sentence.
And it's also fun be clean, drink vodka and tonics, wear nicer clothes, and make elaborate meals while having intellectual conversations about the effect of mainstream media on third world countries.

On the other hand, I was never very good at being constant.
I guess what I'm saying is that people should loosen up more.


Two contradictory quotes for the night:

"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?"
-Jim Carry in Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind.

"Give me attention and I won't like you at all. But pretend I don't exist, and I'll fuck your brains out."
-Anonymous friend.

I got a job at a seasonal-Christmas type store called Nonpareil.
I can't really help but laugh because it's one of the most absurd jobs I could ever have, I think.
But I don't care how stupid I look working their, I have a job.
And just in the nick of time, because I'm broke.
And I'm not talking "Oh, I have to start budgeting my money" I mean "Cup'noodles are to expensive, I'll have to buy ramen".

But I'm happy, mostly.

I'm going to quit smoking cigarettes, and cut drinking back to only the weekends/special occasions.
After the past week of binge drinking and chain smoking, my liver and lungs have had enough.




Off to do laundry and make breakfast.

On nights like these, I love this city.

The night started at 8:00 with me going to Heaven (another art/music opening) and managing the counter, stamping hands, drinking free wine, listening to music, and meeting interesting people.
At around 10:30 or so I crammed into the back of an Outback with 9 other people and went to a birthday/art opening party that was based off outer space.
Everything was lit with blacklights and Christmas lights, there were glow-in-the-dark paintings and sculptures everywhere you looked and people running around in alien/astronaut/weird suits everywhere. There were multiple rooms, each a different setting. For instance, there was a rave-esque room, where the walls were mirrors and flashing lights everywhere.
There was a room with an actual spaceship that fit 5 people with a windshield that was a video projection of (you) flying through space, so it was sort of like virtual reality, and, better yet, they had beerbongs on the ceiling of the spaceship so when you hit a certain point in your "virtual space-ride" you had to demolish an entire beer to progress further into space. Kind of cheesy, but that was the appeal.
There was tons of other rooms, but I can't go into detail...I lack the ability to describe things, sometimes...

It was a good night.


Yesterday wasn't so good, though.
I got in two accidents on my bike. Both could have been fatal, but thankfully weren't.
The first accident was a giant van dinking and twisting my front wheel (once again, the lack of ability to properly describe comes in) and the second I got wedged in between two cars and shattered one of their mirrors with my right forearm, leaving a nasty bruise. I had to literally climb on top of one of the cars and lift my bike out because I was so stuck.
The bastards.

Neither were my fault, by the way.




That's all for now.

Love,
-Matthew

I don't know if I write in livejournal for lack of a better thing to do at the moment,
or because it's a way of venting to myself.

I don't really care.



I finished the mix tapes and immediately destroyed them.
A waste of going through about 600 albums and 5 hours.
DOWN THE DRAIN.

Mix tapes are bad news. I don't plan on ever making anyone another of the damned things.


And I really want some coke.
But I'm not going to get/have any, don't worry.

haha

Here are some lyrics that you probably won't read.
But I strongly recommend hearing the song if you haven't already.


The cure - The end of the world


Go if you want to
I never tried to stop you
Know there's a reason
For all of this you're feeling
Love it's not my call
You couldn't ever love me more
You couldn't love me more
You couldn't love

Me

I don't show much
It's far too hard to hide you
See in a moment
I cant remember how to
Be all you wanted
I couldn't ever love you more
I couldn't love you more
I couldn't love

You want me to cry and play my part
I want you to sigh and fall apart
We want this like everyone else

Stay if you want to
I always wait to hear you
Say there's a last kiss
For all the times you run this
Way, it's not my call
You couldn't ever love me more
You couldn't love me more
You couldn't love

Love me more
Couldn't ever love me more
I couldn't love you more
I couldn't love

You want me to lie, not break your heart
I want you to sigh, not stop and start
We want this like everyone else

Maybe we didn't understand
It's just the end of the
end of the world
Maybe we didn't understand
Not just a boy and a girl
It's just the end of the world

Me I don't say much
It's far too hard to make you
See in a moment
I can't remember how to
Be all you wanted
I couldn't ever love you more
I couldn't love you more
I couldn't love you more
I couldn't love you more

I couldn't love you more.

It's been a really interesting week past week.
And I have no intention of writing any of it in my livejournal.


BUT I am making two mix tapes and want YOUR opinion:


Side one:

1.Pull my hair - Bright eyes
2.Melt with you - Modern English
3.Shady lane - Pavement
4.If you fall - Azure Ray
5.Just like heaven - The Cure
6.So here we are - Bloc Party
7.Muchaboom -(Postal service remix /w Feist)
8.Young folks - Peter, Bjorn, and John
9.Hotel Yorba - The white stripes
10.Better love - Steel train
11.Messenger bird's song - Bright eyes
12.A dreamy day of day dreaming of you - Of Montreal
13.Long distances - Timothy Rabbit
14.Heart short home - Heart short hope
15.These days - (cover) Mates of state
16.The greatest - Cat power
17.Across the ocean - Azure Ray
18,Just one thing - My morning jacket
19.The Funeral - Band of horses

Side two:

1.Requiem for O.M.M.2 - Of Montreal
2.Key of C - Jim Noir
3.This beard is for Siobhan - Devendra Banhart
4.Fail hard to regain - Two gallants
5.Spoonful of sugar - Of Montreal
6.Who loves the sun? - Velvet underground
7.In the lost and found (honky bach)/The roost - Elliott Smith
8.Day in the graveyard - Wolf parade (?)
9.Ultimate stars - Saturday looks good to me
10.The way you said good-night - Magnetic fields
11.La Redécouverte - Yann Tiersen
12.----

That's as far as I got.
Suggestions for the next 7 songs would be helpful and appreciated.

I think I'm just to paranoid to finish it and mail it.

The last few nights have been fantastic.
Everyone was doing something else with their significant other or decorating for Halloween or going to the movies, so I got the apartment to myself for once.
I put on some Bob Dylan, made myself a drink, painted my Halloween mask, started painting a canvas I found in the basement, and wrote a few verses in a song I've been working on.
It was really refreshing.

And then last night Christine and I went over to Pauline and Jeana's apartment and hungout with Cinnamon, who brought his Ps2 and a Karaoke game which was actually incredibly fun, especially after 5 shots and a couple beers.
I guess the "microphones" have built in tone and volume sensors, so you have to keep a good ear on the song and what you're singing. I'm really bad, and I'd like to say it's because I do so much improvisation with my music, but I think I'm just really bad.


And tonight?
I didn't do anything, really.
I found a box of old vinyl in the magical basement that had some good stuff (The Doors, Chopin, Allman brothers, Nutcracker, BING CROSBY CHRISTMAS CLASSIC...you get me).
Cleaned my living area a little bit. Did some laundry. Played some music.
And I'm about to go to sleep, it's almost 5.



Hold tight, honey, don't you lose your spirit to the wind.

OH, SHIT.



How did I let a month pass by so fast?


I am a horrible, horrible person...

Hairy feet.

Run, run, run!
Run, you gotta walk it all off.
The high in your head is to much.
You'll sink until you've had it all,
and still it is never enough.

Run, run, run!
Walk, you gotta slip it down low.
Burn it up until it's slow.
You'll never learn anything at all,
unless you live and let her go.

Well,
We walked barefoot in dead grass and freezing rain,
This isn't about all the shit you have to feel,
It is not about the happiness turned to pain,
It is about nothing at all and is not real.


I'm going to sleep.
RIGHT not.

I just got back from a show at heaven, in which The Winks played and a few other bands I forget the name of.


I really enjoyed it. I didn't think I knew the band or the music, but it turns out I did and I just hadn't heard it in a long time.
They had a lovely cellist and a pretty neat set of mandolins.
It was like a mix between Tilly and the wall and Joanna Newsom and a little bit of..Regina Spector/Murder by death? Or maybe I'm just bad at comparing things?

Something like that.

It was great.


I feel like I should have some stupid sappy section (I mean, it is livejournal..haha, kidding) on how I think that the only women I'm attracted to now are the ones that have no interest in me and pay no attention to me, an almost hermetical-abnegated-masochist mindset (but how is something a mentality if it's already known? Can't you do something about that, even unintentionally? But how is it unintentional if you know you're doing it?)
And then when I find out they like me, I back out.
Lose interest? Maybe.
Is it just a fear of commitment? Maybe.
Or maybe I'm just need to get a new brain.

Maybe.



Just maybe.

I just saw Blow (the movie) for the first time.
I don't want to give it away for those of you who haven't seen it,
but it was alright for the most part.
I absolutely hated the ending. Actually, I hated the whole last forth of the movie.
There wasn't any climax. It wasn't interesting.

On the other hand, I was in a strange state of mind for that last forth, so I give it a little bit of doubt that it was THAT bad...

Anyway...
My latest obsessions have been renting old horror movies, drinking 30 packs of Pabst with Ashley and her roommate Nick, ripping music to my library, and looking for jobs. That's the solid stuff anyways, there's always something else going on. Either an art opening at Heaven or a show at The empty bottle or a party SOMEWHERE. There's always a places to go, people to meet, things to do.
I like it like that.
Tomorrow is biker gang meeting, and Wednesday is Pumpkin carving party.
It will be the first real get-together/party at our apartment, so it should be interesting...

Wouldn't it be interesting to start growing Opiates?

GOD!
I have to stop coming home at 4 in the morning and going online.

It's depressing.

hahaha



Well, I'm off to steal pumpkins for PUMPKIN FEST EXTREME '07!

You can never get it out of your system. No matter how long, it always leave a mark big enough to etch off of. Make it new. A new start? Sure, a new start to the same old addiction.
Fuck you, fuck that.
It's to late.
It's already dripped so far down your spin you can't even feel it anymore.
It's not even a habit, it's friend. And acquaintance.
One of those friends you see at a party that you have a really good conversation with but don't really like, you're just so insecure that you can't talk to anyone else so you remake friends.
She's always there, the white lady, always willing to talk if you're willing to listen. Always willing to listen if you're willing to talk.

No, don't show her your scars, she'll tell you they're not big enough.
No, don't try to avoid eye contact, it will only hurt more.
That's what she says.
That's what she tells you.

And you look away, and feel like shit.

And you don't look away? You look right into those albino eyes (though, you forget the word)?
Well, you get the same deal. You still end up bleeding for more on your bed at 3:18 wishing you didn't.


Well, go to hell, You say.

You put the money down and pay.
You've already lost it all anyway.

I'm not really sure...I feel like the only times I update on livejournal is when I have a need to bitch and moan about shit that doesn't really bother me, only at the moment.
Venting, you know..


Regardless, I'm sick of this hungover thing. It keeps getting longer and longer.
And I want to stop smoking cigarettes so much. It's literally getting painful.
Eh, such is life.

I'm not sure why, I'm just sad tonight. I actually think I do know why. Loneliness.
You tend to forget how comfortable it is to share a bed with someone after sleeping alone for a few busy weeks.

I just biked home from my new friend Ashley's house. We played drinking games with cards and watched Beetle Juice (I never saw it) and drank wine and painted and drew on walls.

Is there something wrong with bringing a 22 year old to your apartment for the night?
You know...
You know, I don't think so.



I'm going to sleep..

I feel like I should be more excited to be having dinner with a babe (haha) I just met yesterday, party hopping the saturday night away with North Ave. slip an' sliding and chilling with Dave at a house party full of people I'm bound to meet.
And that's just the stuff I KNOW I'm going to do tonight, more plans always arise.



I think I need to dance with more coordination.

And turn the music down a little softer.

And maybe lighten up on a few things.

Smoke less cigarettes.

Drink more water.

That kind of thing.



But for tonight?
Fuck that stuff, I'm forcing myself to have a good time.
I don't think it will take much...

I love music.
New music is one thing that is guaranteed to always get me excited.
I'm so tired right now, but I can't stop ripping this stiff.
Of Montreal, Velvet underground, Devendra Banhart, Clap your hands say YEAH, Halo benders, Magnetic fields, Dresden dolls, Calexico, Neutral milk hotel, Pretty girls make graves, Enon, Kings of Leon, Q and not U, and that's really all I can think of right now.

My wisdom tooth gap is healing, I think. I can feel the stitches dissolving, which is good.
I hope.

Last night I visited my sister Paulines house for the first time.
We did some shots and had a few exotic mix drinks while hanging out with her roommate, Jeana, who's a a very nice but crazy stripper in the downtown region. The bike home was tricky in the intoxicated state of mind, but I made it.
At least I didn't ram into someones rear-view mirror this time, and completely destroy it (though, that was painfully funny).




So....tired....
Waking up at 9 tomorrow and biking....
So tired...